When I grow up.

Caleb asked me the other day, "Mommy, what is your job?" I replied, "My job is taking care of you." He looked a little puzzled and I could tell he did not think that was a satisfactory answer. Not one to be stumped, he gently prodded me for more information, "No, Mommy, like what is your for real job? Like with a office and a desk and a computer." I was thiiiiis close to saying domestic engineer, but instead I patiently explained, "Well, mommy used to have a job like that and then when you were born someone needed to be home with you during the day to take care of you, so now that's my job." Caleb has the sweetest blue eyes and a gentle, honest heart so when he touched my cheek and said sternly, "You need to get a job," I couldn't help but giggle silently. Oh, if he only knew how much emotion and sleepless nights went into that decision to stay home with him, he would lay prostrate at my feet and call me blessed. And brush his teeth without complaint. Ever.

I can see why he'd think his mommy needs a job. After all, making his sandwiches and doing his laundry is hardly what we've trained him to think of as gainful employment. If you ask my son if his any of his future ambitions will lead him down the road to corporate America, he's likely to tell you all about his desire to have an office and a computer one day and be a police officer and a firefighter and a super hero... or a farmer or a train conductor or a elephant trainer or a scuba diver. It's a guarantee that ordinary housewife is not on his radar of potential résumé objectives, which is fine because his chances of being a housewife are pretty slim. Aside from a being a comical conversation, it did manage to get me thinking in the way on my kids can. He's right, you know - I do need a job. Oh, not today, but one day. One day my kids will go to school or grow up and move away and (let's be real for a minute), I need a plan. I can think of a dozen things I could do. I can think of a dozen more things I'd like to do. But what do I want to do? What do I want to be when I grow up?

I want to build a house from start to finish. I want to be the bravest person I know. I want to be a taiko drummer. I want to live in an RV and travel cross-country. I want to live on a boat for a year. I want to look at my body again without wincing. I want to learn to be a really, really good cook. I want to get back oil painting. I want to have the courage to do a poetry slam. I want to cultivate the kind of home that neighborhood kids feel free to call their own. I want to be arrested for protesting and get a mugshot with a huge smile on my face. I want to be married for seventy years and be interviewed by a local news team. I want to say something profound. I want to live in the mountains. I want to meditate everyday. I want to grow my own food and make my own cheese. I want to read every book. I want to live to be an old lady and think back on my life and just beam with happiness at all the memories that I made. I want to help people. Most of all, I want to have so rich of a life that all else pales in comparison and the whole world knows it. Is there a job like that?

Maybe one day I'll pass a window with a sign that reads, "Now Hiring: Fool-hearty dreamers and life philosophers - people who take themselves too seriously need not apply." 

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Sounds like a disciple of Jesus to me! Your hired!
---God