Writer's Blech

I don't have writer's block - I have writer's blech. That's exactly how I feel. Blech. I'm not depressed or sad, just in a funk. I have so much to say but the sentences won't come to me. I sit at the screen and nothing happens. Then I neglect it all for days (even weeks) because my for-real life obligations are always around. Blogging, writing, is such a pleasure that I have filed it under the category of "hobby." And same as you, like all hobbies I work furiously at it and I don't want to do anything else... then something comes along to pull me away (the kids got super sick, then the holidays, then vacation) and once my eyes are diverted for even a second, I lose my momentum. I know you don't dare judge me since you can easily find evidence of your own hobbies gone by the wayside. Life gets to you, man.

I am not feeling inspired. I am not feeling like I have the energy to think deep thoughts and search for words. I am swimming in a sea of homemade baby food and Batman figurines and laundry and meals - all great things, but the puzzle doesn't feel complete. My children are amazing and I love that I get to be with them everyday and I live for them and my whole life is them... but therein is the issue. I can't help but wonder, when my children are grown, who will I be? Obviously, one of my purposes is to raise my kids but one day when the last of my children packs up the car and drives off into their own adulthood, what will I do the next morning? I'm not talking about finding things to fill my time. I'm talking about something to fill my soul.

Do I have the guts to do the thing that I want to do most of all? What if I'm wrong? What if I fail? What if I succeed? What if.........

I am all over the place but I can sum it up in one word: blech.